Posts Tagged With: Random

Photo Diary #128: October 28, 2018 Sunday, Toad Hall/Shout to the Lord, Musings

I shout to the Lord and praise God for His mighty love!

God, thank you for not giving up on me! I was supposed to give my dream up and give up on myself.. but You told me straight up, “no, it’s going to happen!” And you brought me here! Surely, your promises are incomparable! No one can tell me not to believe because You already did say it’ll happen! I hold on to You! God! Thank you! The more I think about all the failures, I see your favours clearly! Jesus, thank you so much! I love you! I still remember that vividly. I still remember the time when I asked you, “am I really talking to You?” and you responded to an 11-year-old me, “ask whatever you want now”… and I said, “I want lechon manok?” And you laughed… and then lo,  mama came home with lechon manok. Hahahahaha. And kuya Jesus, I would often come to You whenever people bullied me or whenever I hurt people…And You would often hug me and told me, we’re always together, and that’s your promise. People might fail me, but You will never ever leave Your kim-kim. You’re my coach, my trainer, my wisdom, my guide! It has been a long journey for us. You haven’t given up God! And that’s the biggest gift you have given me. Our relationship is the best thing. Remember when I was just 15. I remember, no one could find our promise ring in the church, your half. And I still vividly remember, I told you after leaving it there that you should let me know if you got your ring through your rain. And when I stepped out of the church, it rained hard. And when I asked all the altar boys and convent boys, they couldn’t find the wrapped gift with my letter. Those were the fondest moments I had God! And I still remember when people bullied me, you told me whenever I see butterflies then I would know that You are near… I miss those simple miracles. Especially when our promise ring fell off into the sink, and then I prayed and I cried the whole night,  but the next morning I woke up with our engagement ring back in my hand. And when those stopped, you told me, “You don’t need those miracles, You are a big girl now”.  All my life… all my successes from failures built our relationship together. I will forever love you Kuya Jesus! People called me stupid, fat, and everything but You believed in me Kuya Jesus.  No sinful act can separate me from Your love. I also still remember when I didn’t win the NDEA oration at Kidapawan. I sighed but smiled and said, it’s sad cos I ended my oration career this way. And then a month after, I didn’t know You will bring me to UP Diliman to bag the National Oration title. You’ve always overturned all my negative expectations. I mean look at how I write.. but You bless all my papers. No one would understand… but I know cos I know how stupid I am sometimes and how ugly my writing is. WITH YOU NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! So who am I to boast after all these experiences? You have the right to give and the right to take away. We’re always at your mercy, and like a wife who’s willing to submit, I submit my heart, my future to You because You are faithful, You are kind, generous and merciful and loving! I can handle everything as long as I know You are beside me. It’s been 27 years God. But my love for You gets stronger and stronger each day. I still remember the time while I was 15, when the rumours about You and Magdalene spread, I imagined holding your hand while telling you, even if it’s true Kuya Jesus, I am still here for you. It does not matter. And I remember you’re hugging me tight and telling me it’s not. I always heard your voice, and nothing compares to those moments. I am crying cos I know I am almost there, I am getting closer to home… and only you and I know where that is. I can’t even say it… that’s how I love that dream so much, so much it hurts. But I know You will be with me. I’m not afraid. Thank you for today!

I’m really sorry for being too focus on acquiring glory after glory! I was not satisfied because I always look for validation outside You, outside myself. True, the only legacy that will last is the number of souls we are able to save! Thank you for reminding me God! I worship You God! Power and Glory are Yours! The seas roar at the sound of your name! But even though You are God, thank you for loving me deeply, for watching me sleep at night, for wiping my tears, for holding my hands and telling me you’re holding me foreover. Jesus Christ, I surrender the next years, the remaining years to you. I know it’ll happen because you already declared it. I love you God! Thank you for the promises

 

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Categories: 365 Photos Journal, Kayla In Oz, Lessons, Musings, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Photo Diary #122: October 22, 2018 Monday, Toad Hall

I had to finish my draft today to gather comments on it before the submission on November 6. I initially intended on writing 1000 words only, but I ended up finishing the whole essay. Hahahahaha! Which is good! Saves me time next time!

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Musings again: Dumbing Down

(Unedited!)

Yesterday, I got a 90 for a research proposal I did for two days, I even handed it in late. Now, imagine submitting that to a linguist, who published articles in journal? It feels good to be honest, and it absolutely feels good to get it out of my chest. But I just don’t have the courage to say that and to let others know. It’s not only that, I realised I’m dumbing down myself. For example, my friend told me she got 86 in another course, but she got 95, 95, 98 in the previous assessments. One of her classmates told me that the professor was rather lenient in that class. And even if I didn’t know if someone has higher than my score, I told her, “but most of them are higher than 90!”. The heck? Why did I lie? Why did I lie that many of my classmates have higher scores when I don’t know? and I never told her that the prof was a strict grader in that course? She’s witholding information to lift herself up while I witheld information to dumb myself down. I also lied to a classmate in that course, telling her I didn’t get an HD. Why? I have been thinking about that all day yesterday.

 

 

 

 

 

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Reminder to Self: There’s still goodness in the world. :)

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Stuck in a Rut

Voice: What do you do when you feel you’re stuck in a rut? Do you stop and let it be? Do you allow it, and pitch camps? Do you want to go forward?

Me:I think moving forward is the best way.

Voice: Why are you scared to accept where you are now? It is far from what you want to be?

Me: Yes, it’s not what I envision myself to be. Everything has become silent. IT’s deafening. The more I push the wall in front of me, the more I get hurt, scratch my palms, the more I understand that I do not power over the wall. I canno

Voice: Yes, so what do you do if there’s a wall? You go around it!  You don’t push it, you are yourself. You just go around it or climb over it. You don’t have to push it, climb over it! You don’t have to expect a sudden change, you slowly put your right foot in the wall, and place your left hand on a sturdy rock on the wall. It’s gonna be difficult, it may be long, but soon enough you’ll get past through that wall. Again, you feel satisfied, but remember you have to go down, to humble yourself and accept that whatever accomplishment you may feel on top at the moment is not exactly the reason why you started climbing the wall.

Rest, but you have to go down and start a new liberating journey. You don’t have to push the wall, it’s going to be difficult. Stop pointing everything wrong in your life. Instead, choose to choose the best way you think you could move past that hurdle. No need for bantering, no need for overthinking. Just do something, a little something is better than doing a big act you can’t even maintain. You can use a ladder or leverage other people. Anything. As long as you do something. Instead of looking at the wall and saying, “That’s a huge wall”. Does thinking day in and day out change the wall or lift you up? Nope. At some point, you gotta do something about it. Climb over it or go around it! There’s always that small step that you can take. Don’t pitch camps there. Don’t. That’s the reason why you get stuck at present.

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Photo Journal #10: May 19,2014 (Monday)

Spent the afternoon with ate Angie to “scour” new blouses and buy a new pair of wedges. Guess what? I ended up buying four blouses for only Php1,000.00.

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Photo Journal #2: May 11, 2014 (Sunday)

Today, I decided to see Jacky, my best friend, at a chocolate shop which I first thought of as a chocolate restaurant instead of meeting at a packed fast food resto. I finished two cups of hot choco and a slice of chocolate mousse cake after having a mixture of aimless chatters and serious talks with Jacky for almost two hours. We, then, headed to KCC Malll cinemas and waited for Princess, Tata 1, Tata 2 (our house helps) and Ate Lilian (the wife of my uncle, Gerry) to watch the Amazing Spiderman 2.

Meet Jacky! :D

Meet Jacky! 😀

At Chocolate Haven, Koronadal city.

At Chocolate Haven, Koronadal city.

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Photo Journal #1: May 10, 2014 (Saturday)

There’s actually a reason why I always chose to stay in South Cotabato for a short while and never for two weeks or so. You see, I didn’t (not anymore) like the past. As I kept on burying my past, I realized how totally unfair it is for these persons whom I decided to totally shut off from my past. It dawned on me that abruptly closing relationships and forcing myself to forget about people from my past (although, they didn’t hurt me in any way) do not heal. Part of healing is facing the cause squarely. Certainly, thinking about persons in the past as actors on a movie that one can just easily remove at the click of remote button isn’t tying the strings at all. It’ll just worsen the wound, instead of healing it.

So when one my former college classmates texted me to come to the reunion, I said yes and decided to leave Davao to meet up. It turned out great. We in fact, discussed teaching experiences and activities we currently engage ourselves on. And although some consumed the conversations and yacked about random things; I didn’t regret coming to this college reunion at all…

A giant pail of water

A giant pail of water

This photo was taken at Paraiso Verde, Koronadal City, Philippines at exactly 3:40 p.m.

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Bucket List Success # 2: Delivered Two Postcards to Russia and Germany Through Postcrossing

Finally sent postcards through postcrossing to Russia and Germany. Only three postcards to go before ticking the item off my bucket list. Yapooo!

Postcards for Margot (Germany) and Inna (Russia)

Postcards for Margot (Germany) and Inna (Russia)

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Bucket List Success # 1: Sent a Letter to a Soldier

Before leaving my cove in Davao city to be with my family for a stint and somehow a break from the on and off brownouts in the city that disturbed my study schedule for my “dreaded” comprehensive exams (wishing they were just short blackouts but no, so…), I ensured that this letter’s delivered to the chosen soldier.

Letter to a Soldier

To be honest, while still scribbling and figuring out how to perfectly phrase my thoughts, tears just simply tickled down my cheeks (oooo, cheesy phrase)

Excerpt from the letter

Excerpt from the letter

Although, he’s not related to me in any way, I believe that he and his fellow soldiers deserve a simple pat on the back for their service and sacrifice for the country.

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”  ― Anaïs Nin

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
― Anaïs Nin

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