Posts Tagged With: journeyofthetheoxenophile

2nd Love Letter to God: 2019

 

“But now that you have been freed from sin, and have become slaves of Christ, the benefit that you have is sanctification; its end is eternal life.” Romans 6: 22

 

Dear Kuya Jesus,

At the time of writing this, around 3 groups of SRs have reminded us to put all our stuffs on our bed in case of flood. I also went offline ahead because there’s not much to do for Russian. Michelle has got it covered, and what am I even doing with Russian? Is it time to give it up, and just attend to Mandarin? I am so exhausted, and I just do not know which one to start. I want to leave, but I can’t. I want to focus on my own, but I can’t. There’s always somethingΒ  I need to pay for, something I need to attend to, something I need to fix about myself. Can I just be me for a second God? I’m too exhausted. I realise it will never be enough for them. It will never be… so I have to focus on myself for awhile. Why am I even being guilty? I am so tired God. I am so tired. Can I just be truly happy for a second? How can I even marry and start when I’m still single, but I feel like I’m the father of four children. I worry, yes. Until now I can’t get it off my chest… God, I want to rest. Someday, it will all be worth it… I hope.

I love you.

Love,
Kim-kim

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1st Love Letter to God: 2019

“When I’d lost all hope, I turn my thoughts to God once more.” – Jonah 2:7

 

Dear Kuya Jesus,

As promised, I want to be intentional about everything including my relationship with you. You deserve all our attention, time and effort. That’s why I’m beginning this blog series. Thank you for helping me today accept that Mondays are inevitable. It’s coming! ahahahaha. I don’t know but I’m always dreadful come Sunday evening. I want to relax, but every time,Β  there’s this heightened awareness that relaxation is drawing to a close and soon reality will dawn again.Β  To be honest, I am really anxious right now, my mind wants to whisk itself in all directions while my feet are itching to go somewhere, and my hands clammy as I can contain it. Typing on this keyboard seems like a crutch, for a little bit, for a little while. Thank you for the verse and the opening songs today, for reassuring me that You will walk with me. I’m lonely and desolate, and most of all almost paralyzed by the coming months. What if I can’t, what if I fail again, what if my financial sources will dry up again. It’s an ever-ending cycle of work, saving up, then giving it all away. I’m grateful for bringing me to this regimen that I follow every day, this routine that keeps me grounded and helps me realise there are still things I can control. I guess, I have to ask myself, why am I afraid Kuya? Don’t I trust enough? Why? I guess, I’m afraid of seeing my parents borrow money again, of not providing enough. I’m afraid I won’t be able to live up to people’s expectations. You said that in everything we must pray. I pray for lolo Caloy who’s in the hospital right now – heal not only his physical but also spiritual, mental and emotional exhaustion. I’m sure you will help us take care of the bills. As I always say, what I earn is yours. Whatever you tell me to do with my money, I will follow.Β  Lord, let me not be too consumed by worries of how I can provide because I know it’s not my job, it is yours. We only need to work smarter, and live for You, and all else will be provided for. As I move closer to the coming end of my Australia journey, I offer each day, each hour. May it be as intentional and purposeful as you desire it to be. God, use me, my mind, my resources to be a blessing to people. God, please take care of my heart. Most of all, it won’t hurt if I lose 1.5 kg again tomorrow! Sophie will be very amused! Hehehe.

I love you, Kuya Jesus.

Yours always,

Your Kim-kim

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Photo Diary #226: February 03, 2019 Sunday, Toad Hall

Starting today, I will post daily a letter to God. This is part of my dev plan for this year. As I have shared in my New Year’s post, this year’s focus is God and Good health. I always tie success to something tangible and measurable, so on top of my daily devotion, tithing and all the regular Christian way of maturing in God, I decided to start a love letter to God which I will call ‘300 Love Letters to God’.

I have also recently started filling my pinboard with a daily verse I pick for the day. Lately I have been rereading daily the letter to Romans (which contains most debated topics in our culture today), but in today’s message note from Saddleback, I picked Jonah 2:7.

Jesus just knows the words when I need them the most. Being busy with Appen work and my workouts that leave me too exhausted for the day, I have not started with my thesis yet! I am worried of not maintaining my HD, considering that the unis I will apply to are concerned about these grades. Fear blocked me and I allowed myself to believe the lies of a frenemy that I will never be enough, that I cannot measure up, that I can only try, that I am too small, that I am not great enough. But guess what, I believe that God is enough and that He can, so I choose to turn my thoughts to God. I will do my best to keep believing I am enough and that with God, I can absolutely do it again. (Insert Do it Again song here πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)

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Photo Diary #225: February 02, 2019 Saturday, Toad Hall

Reset!

Cappucino, and oatmeal with nutella and honey topped with berries

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Photo Diary #224: February 01, 2019 Friday, Toad Hall

Today, after a year, I have my menstrual period again! Wohooo! That means I no longer need to take Metformin… I only need to consistently eat healthy, do my strength and cardio trainings and sleep at least 8 hours a day! Thank you God!

It’s my cheat day so… πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Photo Diary #223: January 31, 2019 Thursday, Toad Hall

Three weeks and I am still not missing/craving for (my) soda, pizza and all the processed foods I had been feeding my body. Thank you God for being with me in this journey. I am not even tired yet of this lunch meal…simple, tasty and satisfying (fell in love with Tasmanian salmon). I know I must slowly say goodbye to rice, but hey better than 7 slices of pizza in one sitting, right? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Photo Diary #222: January 30, 2019 Wednesday, Toad Hall

I was not able to go watch movie as I usually do because of my one-on-one with Ken, and also because I was sore from workout. I found this ‘Stay Here’ series on Netflix which I really love. Watching it creates a sense of calm and whisks uncertainties in my mind.

My normal snack for three weeks now..

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Photo Diary #221: January 29, 2019 Tuesday, Fernwood

Cos it was a holiday yesterday, my PT session was scheduled on a Tuesday. Happy to share that from 124.5 kg, I am now down to 121.5 kg. Everyone seems elated about this news, so rowing did not cause any pain at all!!! Happiness beats exhaustion indeed!

Forgot to take a photo, so here’s a photo of my daily breakfast instead…

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Photo Diary #220: January 28, 2019 Monday, Toad Hall

Here’s the obligatory weightloss weekly photos…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

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Photo Diary #219: January 27, 2019 Sunday, Happy Birthday Rick

Few takeaways from the Q and A with Rick…

Today’s service for me centred on living a life of integrity. God loves a person with integrity – whose ethics and morals are consistent. I believe I am one big hypocrite. I believe in church but I attend service online only for example. I believe in Kindness but I can turn down an opportunity to help due to inconvenience. I believe in community but I sometimes gossip about people (with my parents). I profess I am humble disguised through charming smiles and one-word responses but I brag silently and loudly at times to hide my insecurities, and measure people up according to my standards. I am guilty as charged. And I thank God for still loving me and for trusting in the direction of my heart. Lead me God, teach me to live a life of integrity.

Categories: 365 Photos Journal, Development, God's Messages, Kayla In Oz, Musings | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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