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Photo Diary #147: November 16, 2018 Friday, Work

I could not concentrate the whole day. I was anxious cos we were trying to reach the 88 percent QA. Prayer is the best tool…

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Photo Diary #128: October 28, 2018 Sunday, Toad Hall/Shout to the Lord, Musings

I shout to the Lord and praise God for His mighty love!

God, thank you for not giving up on me! I was supposed to give my dream up and give up on myself.. but You told me straight up, “no, it’s going to happen!” And you brought me here! Surely, your promises are incomparable! No one can tell me not to believe because You already did say it’ll happen! I hold on to You! God! Thank you! The more I think about all the failures, I see your favours clearly! Jesus, thank you so much! I love you! I still remember that vividly. I still remember the time when I asked you, “am I really talking to You?” and you responded to an 11-year-old me, “ask whatever you want now”… and I said, “I want lechon manok?” And you laughed… and then lo,  mama came home with lechon manok. Hahahahaha. And kuya Jesus, I would often come to You whenever people bullied me or whenever I hurt people…And You would often hug me and told me, we’re always together, and that’s your promise. People might fail me, but You will never ever leave Your kim-kim. You’re my coach, my trainer, my wisdom, my guide! It has been a long journey for us. You haven’t given up God! And that’s the biggest gift you have given me. Our relationship is the best thing. Remember when I was just 15. I remember, no one could find our promise ring in the church, your half. And I still vividly remember, I told you after leaving it there that you should let me know if you got your ring through your rain. And when I stepped out of the church, it rained hard. And when I asked all the altar boys and convent boys, they couldn’t find the wrapped gift with my letter. Those were the fondest moments I had God! And I still remember when people bullied me, you told me whenever I see butterflies then I would know that You are near… I miss those simple miracles. Especially when our promise ring fell off into the sink, and then I prayed and I cried the whole night,  but the next morning I woke up with our engagement ring back in my hand. And when those stopped, you told me, “You don’t need those miracles, You are a big girl now”.  All my life… all my successes from failures built our relationship together. I will forever love you Kuya Jesus! People called me stupid, fat, and everything but You believed in me Kuya Jesus.  No sinful act can separate me from Your love. I also still remember when I didn’t win the NDEA oration at Kidapawan. I sighed but smiled and said, it’s sad cos I ended my oration career this way. And then a month after, I didn’t know You will bring me to UP Diliman to bag the National Oration title. You’ve always overturned all my negative expectations. I mean look at how I write.. but You bless all my papers. No one would understand… but I know cos I know how stupid I am sometimes and how ugly my writing is. WITH YOU NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! So who am I to boast after all these experiences? You have the right to give and the right to take away. We’re always at your mercy, and like a wife who’s willing to submit, I submit my heart, my future to You because You are faithful, You are kind, generous and merciful and loving! I can handle everything as long as I know You are beside me. It’s been 27 years God. But my love for You gets stronger and stronger each day. I still remember the time while I was 15, when the rumours about You and Magdalene spread, I imagined holding your hand while telling you, even if it’s true Kuya Jesus, I am still here for you. It does not matter. And I remember you’re hugging me tight and telling me it’s not. I always heard your voice, and nothing compares to those moments. I am crying cos I know I am almost there, I am getting closer to home… and only you and I know where that is. I can’t even say it… that’s how I love that dream so much, so much it hurts. But I know You will be with me. I’m not afraid. Thank you for today!

I’m really sorry for being too focus on acquiring glory after glory! I was not satisfied because I always look for validation outside You, outside myself. True, the only legacy that will last is the number of souls we are able to save! Thank you for reminding me God! I worship You God! Power and Glory are Yours! The seas roar at the sound of your name! But even though You are God, thank you for loving me deeply, for watching me sleep at night, for wiping my tears, for holding my hands and telling me you’re holding me foreover. Jesus Christ, I surrender the next years, the remaining years to you. I know it’ll happen because you already declared it. I love you God! Thank you for the promises

 

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Photo Diary #124: October 24, 2018 Wednesday, Toad Hall

I struggled finishing this Assignment. For sure, it isn’t because it’s too hard. In fact, I was so worried because it seemed so easy… and I was so anxious of messing it up. Thank you God for guiding me, and for pushing me to finish this. I wrote the answers on the due date because I was so afraid. Anxiety can be paralyzing!

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Photo Diary #107: October 07, 2018 Sunday, Toad Hall

Live upward, inward and outward!

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Photo Diary #106: October 06, 2018 Saturday, War Memorial and Floriade

I promised myself to go around more after watching a Youtube video on loving and living life instead of chasing your dream all the time. And so I set up this day for Floriade and Poppies garden even if my papers aren’t done yet.  Thank you God for bringing me here in Australia.

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Photo Diary #102: September 30, 2018 Sunday, ANU/And Prayer

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Early in the morning, I submitted an abstract to ConSOLE. I guess, even if I failed… I’m proud of myself for trying this month. I applied to ANU summer research scholarship, ConSOLE, and ISFIT 2019.

Today, God simply acknowledged that and whispered I’m enough. What demotivated me is not being on top this semester. If that’s always my goal, then I would never feel enough.

I must always stick to my skills instead of being somebody I am not. But also God encourages me to not give up on my dreams. So far, I have three universities in mind. I won’t reveal them yet. I just feel safe at this stage of my life. Pastor Rick Warren also emphasized not being afraid.

What am I really afraid of? Not providing for my parents? Being too poor, being underestimated… I don’t feel secure, to be honest. But with God by my side, I’m sure I am enough. I’m no longer afraid. That Syntactic Theory problem set? I won’t figure it out! But that’s okay! That Structure of English paper? I won’t impress the professor, but that’s fine! That Quanti paper? Will it matter? Probably not, but it’s absolutely fine. That programming I’m putting off? Nah, will it matter in the end? What if I don’t learn how to program? What’s the worst that can happen? I would still be eating, praying, laughing, dancing, traveling. So it’s not a life or death situation. That summer scholarship? I may not be enough in their eyes, but hey, I am enough in God’s eyes. My extreme receptive skills but nil productive skills in terms of vocabulary, oral speaking and writing? That’s fine! I accept it.  This I hold on to: if it’s for me, it’s for me. I just have to be held because as long as I’m trying, I’m fighting and not giving up, I’ll get to where God intends me to be.

God, I want to take this moment to lift everything up to you. Keep my eyes on You and Your purpose and on the prize! Direct me to where you want me to be! Lead me God to where you want me to be! I am sure I’ll get to where you want me to be someday. I am tired of all the running, of all the trying to be someone else I’m not. I’m willing to try, but I’m not gonna force myself. Lead me God to where you want me to be… in the end, as long as You are with me, I’m in the right place.

I love you God.

Yours forever,

Your Kimkim

 

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Photo Diary #89: September 16, 2018 Sunday, Toad Hall

Today’s Message Notes from Sunday service….

 

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Photo Diary #83: September 10, 2018 Monday, Meeting with ANUFA

Worked the whole day for Filipino Tutorial ppts today…

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Photo Diary #82: September 09, 2019 Sunday, When Others Keep Setting You Back

God’s message this Sunday

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Photo Diary #81: September 8, 2018 Saturday, Toad Hall

Cosmos the whole day

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