Musings

Photo Diary #347: June 14, 2019 Friday, Toad Hall

Oh my gawd. Finally done with my last Polish. I am officially done… After all the manual editing (but still a lot of errors 🤕😑😡😤), I have finally submitted my last Cosmos. You are a project so dear to my heart… Having coordinated you a couple of times (and organised you, and manually sanity checked each language in the past), I have grown to understand you (and accepted that you will never be satisfied hahahaha, and that’s okay). Maybe that is the reason I cannot hate you (!!!!) I will always love you no matter how hard you continue to become. You allowed me to grow in a lot of ways, and through you I learned a lo+ at Appen. Maybe that is the reason why I still cry to my mom whenever I talk about you (I am still tearing up now). You will always have a special place in my heart. I know I had a lot of shortcomings, I should have organised you better, but you know I did what I can with the little knowledge I had a year ago. Hope to see you again,but for now thank you, goodbye Cosmos. Charot ginamos. 😤😤😤

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Photo Diary #321: May 09, 2019 Thursday, Toad Hall

I was stressing over a lot of things God. I am too exhausted. This is not just a thesis. This is my ticket to Cambridge, to Harvard or to Oxford. I am so sad because I felt all my HD effort for a year is wasted on this thesis. 24 units? Woah. Although I get a credit, I would still get a commendation, but what will these traditonal universities say seeing all HD and a credit on a thesis (esp Oxbridge!)? How can I stand a chance? But I am finally letting it go and offering it all up to you. I will do my best till the end. But not my will, let your will be done. You have not failed me God, and I am certain you will never cut the wings you gave me.

Thanks for Lois today…

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Photo Diary #318: May 06, 2019 Monday, Full Draft Submission

At least finally submitted…

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Photo Diary #317: May 05, 2019 Sunday, Flu

And yes flu finally caught me (after the stressful week). Doing the complete thesis draft, the final submission to my supervisor with high fever. I was even vomiting in between while writing it. And yes. I do not ask for extensions even when I am (super) sick. Can my thesis get worse than this? I was losing hope.

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Photo Diary #240: February 17, 2019 Sunday, Toad Hall

Building on my last post, I am glad I decided to watch ‘Doctor Stranger’. I don’+ know I just hate medical dramas and I kept on saying before in 2014 +hat it is not my type. After binging on this drama since evening of Saturday until ths evening, I couldn’t stop thinking of Dr. Park Hoon and the idea of loving someone like him. If I were Dr. Oh I would also feel the same way when Dr. Hun was terminated. I want someone like him so bad… Someone who’s brilliant and exceptional, but also kind-hearted, real and funny. I want someone to be my exact opposite. 😟😟😟

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Photo Diary #219: January 27, 2019 Sunday, Happy Birthday Rick

Few takeaways from the Q and A with Rick…

Today’s service for me centred on living a life of integrity. God loves a person with integrity – whose ethics and morals are consistent. I believe I am one big hypocrite. I believe in church but I attend service online only for example. I believe in Kindness but I can turn down an opportunity to help due to inconvenience. I believe in community but I sometimes gossip about people (with my parents). I profess I am humble disguised through charming smiles and one-word responses but I brag silently and loudly at times to hide my insecurities, and measure people up according to my standards. I am guilty as charged. And I thank God for still loving me and for trusting in the direction of my heart. Lead me God, teach me to live a life of integrity.

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Letter to Jesus: Happy Birthday!

Dear Kuya Jesus,

Happy birthday! Ito naman tayo, ahahahahah! I can’t believe I’m writing this letter at Toad Hall in Canberra, Australia. This shows how you’ve blessed me for the past years. I want to thank you for everything, for choosing to be born into this world to save us, for dying on the cross and for being the best kuya ever! Ahahahahaha. I want to honor You with my life, my choices, my lips, my heart, my finances. Everything kuya. IT’s been a rough 14 years for us, but what still holds true is Your unfailing love and compassion. Rick is right, I must not base Your love on what I feel, on what I think… because the truth that You love us despite our shortcomings still remains. You are the same yesterday, today and forever, and so I give my past, present and future to You!

You say I am enough when my heart and the people say I’m not

You say it’s okay while they say I’m unworthy to be forgiven

You say I’m loved when people say I am not

 

I’m sorry if I keep this small notebook and read my prayers every day. I treat you like a vending machine for the past year. I’m sorry God. But you know it’s just to keep track and to keep me at ease knowing that You are here, aware of my petty concerns.

 

God, You are that hand that tucks me in at night when I cannot sleep

God, You are that warm breeze that keeps me at peace amidst my throbbing heart and clammy hands

God, You are the whisper that assures me everything is okay

God, You are those soft eyes that choose not to judge me when I’m being too arrogant

God, You are that coach who guides me what to do

God, You are the peaceful assurance that I CAN despite what others say

God, You are that laughter when I complain, trying to keep it light

God, You are that silent thug in me, pushing me forward

God, You are that voice that do not judge me whenever I miss a service, although you keep on reproving me in this area of my life

God, You never nagged.

God, You never choke me with SHOULDs. Instead you keep on reminding me to rest

God, You are too busy pointing out the goods instead of the bads in me.

God, You did not give up on me when I was about to give up on myself.

 

Thank you so much Kuya for protecting us and granting our prayers. I love you Kuya. I have to work on staying close and getting closer to You each day for the next year. I thank you Kuya Jesus for:

 

Miraculously healing my sister and removing her cysts,

Changing my coordinator’s heart. I can’t believe she’s praising me now. What happened?

Granting my mama’s visa. You know it’s my dream. Thank you also for telling me not to ask my mama to undergo the health exams anymore. We trusted and You delivered.

Providing me with a job. I remember I was looking for jobs online because Appen was not too busy around June-July. As usual, I was anxious again. I had a lot of what ifs. What if I don’t earn enough, what if…And then now, I work 4o hours a week!

Helping me hit my target savings! I remember I only asked for this amount and after a year, I can’t believe I am actually earning what I put in the notebook! I thought it’s just wishful thinking, now it’s my reality. True enough, in an instant you can make a poor man rich (Sirach 11:20-21). I held on to this for such a long time. I still remember pawning my mama’s gift because I was at a rat race. I promised myself that that won’t happen again. I cried out to you, and You answered me! God, you are a great God!

Giving me all HDs for the past two semesters. You also granted my prayer of getting all HDs in all of my papers and take-homes and quizzes. I worked hard on them, but even though at times I faltered, You didn’t. You still gave me those HDs.

Stopping me from taking the assistantship. True enough, I can’t even move now. I  feel so tired every after my Appen working hours. How much more if I got into that Summer Scholarship. I also know that You have a purpose. And I trust You.

Reminding me that having a church family is important!

Thank you for teaching me that all blessings come from You. Working hard is important, but it’s not everything. We still have to anchor ourselves to you and source our strength and courage from You.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of timing. If it’s time, it will surely happen.

Thank you for bringing people in my life also who correct me so I can see my blind spots, and work on them.

Thank you for teaching me how to bake through Melda, for teaching me how to be confident, and loving.

Thank you most of all for clarifying my goals. I want to be a professor that’s it. I want to live a normal simple life but still able to provide for my parents and siblings, and family. I want to be the best mother and wife.

While I’m in my season of waiting, I found this to be helpful after hearing grandpas shared what they loved about their wives:

I must take care of my husband. Make him breakfast, prepare his lunchbox and welcome him with love during dinner;

Listen to him and support him;

Nag not. He has his way of being, and that’s just a fact of life;

Find a way to show him every day how I love, respect, and support him ;

Date every week

Thank you Jesus for everything especially for the past 2018, a Year of Excellence, which has been true for me.  I love you Kuya Jesus. Happy birthday!

 

Yours always,

Kim-kim

Categories: God's Messages, Kayla In Oz, Lessons, Musings, Successes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Photo Diary #144: November 13, 2018 Tuesday, Canberra Centre

Lunch with Melda and Karla today

My work at Appen still.gives me a lot of anxiety… I always feel stupid. LuckilynI have Haishan and the new ALPM, Chiern to help out Mandarin.

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Photo Diary #143: November 12, 2018 Monday, Popup

After being almost done, I think I deserve a big breakfast…

Breakfast today with Melda

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Photo Diary #141: November 10, 2018 Saturday, A Common Room

Trying really hard to squeeze ideas out for my last paper

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