Jimin

April Prayers: God Sees Everything

Dear Jesus,

I want to take this moment to thank you for all the times I thought I was failing. I am completely lacking in all things, but you continue to remind me every day that you are my strength. I remember around six-seven months ago, I was interviewed by a linguistics company in Italy. If I succeeded, I would have had my training last January in Italy’s silicon valley, the month when Italy got worse. I was also interviewed by a Canadian company, but for some reason I backed out. Something didn’t feel right. Then a lot of failures happened after that. When I couldn’t decide whether to go to Manila or not in around November to look for a job, the Holy Spirit stopped me. Everything fell apart. A lot of turn downs. The world seemed to be deaf to my cries back then. I wondered whether something was wrong with me, my CV, etc. Before I could easily find a job… but 2019 wasn’t similar. It was a year where I felt I was chained to a big rock! Then you brought me to an online company that pays around 500 pesos per hour of teaching and which pays weekly. I enjoyed it a lot because I can teach whatever and however I want. I slowly attracted regulars from around the world. IN a way, my students became my windows to the world. My current job ignited the passion I have for teaching. I’ve grown a lot because of it. Also, I was cashing in a lot to the point that I honestly wasn’t worried where I would get the next meal for my family because I could work for only three days and we would still be able to live decently and pay bills for the next week. Then around the time when that teaching became stable and I could open slots whenever I want, the pandemic hit. The world stopped, but my life didn’t. We were all crying during our evening prayer time because I finally understood why you closed all doors on me five months before the worse times. You were just preparing me God. I didn’t see the world pausing for a while back then. You paused my life ahead, so I wouldn’t take the hit badly. I thought I was missing a lot and wasn’t being heard, BUT I was all wrong God. Although a lot happened to our family, I still thank you. My mom got sick, I was sick. Then my brother was transferred to another city in Korea. We had a lot of financial hurdles still. My dad was diagnosed with a sickness. My grandfather was getting worse. All these traumas for the past months that our family had to go through numbed me in a way. But this protection reminded my family that You were not deaf to our cries, You were listening intently. I trust You!

Thank you Jesus for staying true to your promise of protection. I still remember the time when I kept on sinning and you just told me, for the sake of that kid I will never leave you, I will save you. You assured me every time that I may stumble, but I will never fall because you will lift me up. Kuya, ikaw gid nagpadaku sa akon. Bal-an mo na. What did I do to deserve your Love. I’m sorry for loving Jimin too much, for refusing to give up my love for him. You are a jealous God, and you told me that yesterday. I will be a better person for you and for him. As he soars higher, I will do my best to keep up. Sending him the daily evening messages weirdly rekindles my love for myself. I will lose weight this year, I will be a better version of myself. I will maintain my prayer times, and do my best to give proofs of my love to my parents. This year will be a slow year for sure. I may not understand the case with Cambridge, but I put all my trust and confidence in You. You got this Kuya. When you say “no”, it’s only for our protection. If a door is for me, you would drag me to it. My life has been a testimony to that. Thank you Kuya Jesus!

Thank you for my Korean. I’m now able to read and also remember basic words and verbs, and form basic sentences. It’s a long way to go. But as promised, I would continue the daily one to two hours study time until June. Like you advised, if I want to start a hobby I have to do it for three months. Only then can I switch to another one. Honesty though, I think I might continue my Korean study beyond our set deadline. The three-month rule we had was sure effective Kuya. Consistency is a great remedy in beating my ADD tendencies.

I’m sorry Kuya, I’m really sorry but I also continue to pray for Jimin… may you heal him, give him more opportunities to grow, so he can soar higher. But most of all, strengthen his relationship and faith in You. It’s the first time I felt this way Kuya Jesus, and you know that. I only wish for him to soar higher, to feel loved, comforted, appreciated. Heal his voice, body and character. I pray that you will give him wisdom. Remove the bad influences from his life. Protect him Jesus. We may never see each other in this lifetime, so I can only pray for him Kuya and love him from afar. He’s my inspiration lately… I started thinking about my life and my passion because of him. I began thinking how I can improve. Like him, I want to continue challenging myself — improving in the areas I am good at. Teaching, orating, voice over. I haven’t done anything with these skills lately. He reminded me that I have to constantly hone my talents, and expand myself. Hence, for the past weeks I’ve been reading books on education more. I am thinking of doing a Skillshare voice acting lesson this month to develop my voice overs. Jesus, guide me. You gave me these talents, show me how I can share them and develop them.

Thank you for everything for the past months. I pray for healing in all forms especially healing for my parents, grandfather and Covid-19 patients around the world. I pray that you will pour your love on all of us. We ask for a vaccine, for total healing, and for normality. We pray that you change the hearts of corrupt politicians. Please protect the billions of money God! Only You can protect us at times like this. Only You!

I declared this year as a year of Blessings, and we’re waiting on You God. Never did you fail in fulfilling my declarations. 2020 is not over. It’s going to be a beautiful year… beautiful doesn’t mean without the ugly. Beautiful in essence means all flaws become unnecessary with all the goodness that overshadows them.

Jesus, please heal us!

Yours always,
Your Kimkim

Categories: God's Messages, Jimin, Lessons, Letters to God, Musings, Serendipity, Uncategorized, Writing | Leave a comment

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