God’s Messages

Letter to Jesus: Happy Birthday!

Dear Kuya Jesus,

Happy birthday! Ito naman tayo, ahahahahah! I can’t believe I’m writing this letter at Toad Hall in Canberra, Australia. This shows how you’ve blessed me for the past years. I want to thank you for everything, for choosing to be born into this world to save us, for dying on the cross and for being the best kuya ever! Ahahahahaha. I want to honor You with my life, my choices, my lips, my heart, my finances. Everything kuya. IT’s been a rough 14 years for us, but what still holds true is Your unfailing love and compassion. Rick is right, I must not base Your love on what I feel, on what I think… because the truth that You love us despite our shortcomings still remains. You are the same yesterday, today and forever, and so I give my past, present and future to You!

You say I am enough when my heart and the people say I’m not

You say it’s okay while they say I’m unworthy to be forgiven

You say I’m loved when people say I am not

 

I’m sorry if I keep this small notebook and read my prayers every day. I treat you like a vending machine for the past year. I’m sorry God. But you know it’s just to keep track and to keep me at ease knowing that You are here, aware of my petty concerns.

 

God, You are that hand that tucks me in at night when I cannot sleep

God, You are that warm breeze that keeps me at peace amidst my throbbing heart and clammy hands

God, You are the whisper that assures me everything is okay

God, You are those soft eyes that choose not to judge me when I’m being too arrogant

God, You are that coach who guides me what to do

God, You are the peaceful assurance that I CAN despite what others say

God, You are that laughter when I complain, trying to keep it light

God, You are that silent thug in me, pushing me forward

God, You are that voice that do not judge me whenever I miss a service, although you keep on reproving me in this area of my life

God, You never nagged.

God, You never choke me with SHOULDs. Instead you keep on reminding me to rest

God, You are too busy pointing out the goods instead of the bads in me.

God, You did not give up on me when I was about to give up on myself.

 

Thank you so much Kuya for protecting us and granting our prayers. I love you Kuya. I have to work on staying close and getting closer to You each day for the next year. I thank you Kuya Jesus for:

 

Miraculously healing my sister and removing her cysts,

Changing my coordinator’s heart. I can’t believe she’s praising me now. What happened?

Granting my mama’s visa. You know it’s my dream. Thank you also for telling me not to ask my mama to undergo the health exams anymore. We trusted and You delivered.

Providing me with a job. I remember I was looking for jobs online because Appen was not too busy around June-July. As usual, I was anxious again. I had a lot of what ifs. What if I don’t earn enough, what if…And then now, I work 4o hours a week!

Helping me hit my target savings! I remember I only asked for this amount and after a year, I can’t believe I am actually earning what I put in the notebook! I thought it’s just wishful thinking, now it’s my reality. True enough, in an instant you can make a poor man rich (Sirach 11:20-21). I held on to this for such a long time. I still remember pawning my mama’s gift because I was at a rat race. I promised myself that that won’t happen again. I cried out to you, and You answered me! God, you are a great God!

Giving me all HDs for the past two semesters. You also granted my prayer of getting all HDs in all of my papers and take-homes and quizzes. I worked hard on them, but even though at times I faltered, You didn’t. You still gave me those HDs.

Stopping me from taking the assistantship. True enough, I can’t even move now. I  feel so tired every after my Appen working hours. How much more if I got into that Summer Scholarship. I also know that You have a purpose. And I trust You.

Reminding me that having a church family is important!

Thank you for teaching me that all blessings come from You. Working hard is important, but it’s not everything. We still have to anchor ourselves to you and source our strength and courage from You.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of timing. If it’s time, it will surely happen.

Thank you for bringing people in my life also who correct me so I can see my blind spots, and work on them.

Thank you for teaching me how to bake through Melda, for teaching me how to be confident, and loving.

Thank you most of all for clarifying my goals. I want to be a professor that’s it. I want to live a normal simple life but still able to provide for my parents and siblings, and family. I want to be the best mother and wife.

While I’m in my season of waiting, I found this to be helpful after hearing grandpas shared what they loved about their wives:

I must take care of my husband. Make him breakfast, prepare his lunchbox and welcome him with love during dinner;

Listen to him and support him;

Nag not. He has his way of being, and that’s just a fact of life;

Find a way to show him every day how I love, respect, and support him ;

Date every week

Thank you Jesus for everything especially for the past 2018, a Year of Excellence, which has been true for me.  I love you Kuya Jesus. Happy birthday!

 

Yours always,

Kim-kim

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GOD’S RESPONSE RIGHT AWAY

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It’s funny that the photo chosen by Marilyn is a plant in a pot… God’s response to my wilt flower.

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Photo Diary #156: November 25, 2018 Sunday, Toad Hall

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I also started preparing my mother’s itinerary for her visa application…

So help us God

 

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Photo Diary #126: October 26, 2018 Friday, ANU/Quantitative Presentation

Since I had another presentation after yesterday, I decided to wear my lucky blouse again. Hahahaha. I was tearing up while walking to my 2PM presentation because I hadn’t practiced, and I wasn’t even sure of my interpretations. I thought it’s going to be a disaster… But it did happen again! NO question, except for a clarification. And the brightest student even approached me and told me, he liked my presentation. He said, it’s pretty cool. I think they’re impressed with the content. And my other classmates were saying it was excellent. Again, I couldn’t believe why I’m getting this reaction. Sometimes, I felt I was just imagining things… but I saw their eyes lit up and their mouths open (same reaction in Japan during my speeech). I am really happy! I am extremely grateful to God! Because again, it’s not the same with my Filipino tute for a reason… but here, because a grade is involved, God reversed it. Thank you God! You heard me! I remembered walking to the venue, shaking because I didnt’ have breakfast and lunch and the printer at Toad Hall acted up so I spent 15 minutes there. Fortunately, a nice guy offered to print my handouts for me. Everything fell into place on that day! I was praying, “God, I offer this to you!” while heading to the venue and started tearing up. I was even expecting a 70, but I got a 90 for that presentation! I think what’s more important is seeing my professor happy, and the brightest student impressed.

I couldn’t have done this without You!

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Photo Diary #125: October 25, 2018 Thursday, ANU/HUMN Final Presentation

I was the the last presentor for HUMN8032. Unfortunately, as always the case I don’t have the photo of my presentation except after it’s done.

I didn’t know how it would turn out because my paper seems soooo specific and focused. I didn’t know how to rally for its significance… but of course, I practiced every day since Saturday especially that the professor for this course has high standards and because I always drew close to the 10-minute mark; I was anxious of extending and not finishing my arguments. I even practiced removing the reading of the title just to save time. However, during the presentation, the presentors were presenting their titles themselves instead of Catherine who used to introduce the title for the speakers. Ha! My title was long and I would need that 20 seconds. But A miracle happened on that day! The professor told me, wait for me, let me introduce you. I was shocked. ahahahahaha. And then after the presentation… when the professor asked, questions? The Australian guy who always had questions just simply exclaimed, “wow!” And everyone was clapping. I really thought it’s average. Of course, the professor asked a question. I was so deaf. I couldn’t understand what’s she’s saying… mainly because I was all too happy of the reaction (ha, my miracle black notebook worked again! Just kidding! Of course God did answer my prayer). It was so surreal, it’s the same reaction I got in the US at the Fulbright Conference in Washington DC and at college where my classmates were saying “you’re a beast”. I thought I lost this skill especially after the disastrous Filipino Tutorial a few months ago. But God did move again~ It worked. What Filipinos back home saw whenever I present was the same Kayla they did see during this presentation. They’re all impressed. I had a good cry after in my little nook, praising and thanking God.

This is what I learned: we can practice all we want, in the end it’s God who decides what reaction we’ll get. I did work hard on the Filipino tute, but it fell apart for a reason. This first presentation was different. Kayla’s back. 🙂

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Photo Diary #121: October 21, 2018 Sunday, We Need Others for Spiritual Support

Something really relevant to me…God has also been telling me not to look for glory after glory. Instead of being hurt, I felt at peace with this message. It made me realise how futile the search for glory is; it will only lead to more hunger. God, I offer my life to you. Screen Shot 2018-10-28 at 1.01.59 pm

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Photo Diary #112: October 12, 2018 Friday, ANU

This has been the longest day for me! I could’t solve it, but I have no choice. I will just do my best in the next assessment. (Thank you God for the clustering and classification quanti analysis we had today, I had fun).

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Photo Diary #107: October 07, 2018 Sunday, Toad Hall

Live upward, inward and outward!

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Photo Diary #102: September 30, 2018 Sunday, ANU/And Prayer

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Early in the morning, I submitted an abstract to ConSOLE. I guess, even if I failed… I’m proud of myself for trying this month. I applied to ANU summer research scholarship, ConSOLE, and ISFIT 2019.

Today, God simply acknowledged that and whispered I’m enough. What demotivated me is not being on top this semester. If that’s always my goal, then I would never feel enough.

I must always stick to my skills instead of being somebody I am not. But also God encourages me to not give up on my dreams. So far, I have three universities in mind. I won’t reveal them yet. I just feel safe at this stage of my life. Pastor Rick Warren also emphasized not being afraid.

What am I really afraid of? Not providing for my parents? Being too poor, being underestimated… I don’t feel secure, to be honest. But with God by my side, I’m sure I am enough. I’m no longer afraid. That Syntactic Theory problem set? I won’t figure it out! But that’s okay! That Structure of English paper? I won’t impress the professor, but that’s fine! That Quanti paper? Will it matter? Probably not, but it’s absolutely fine. That programming I’m putting off? Nah, will it matter in the end? What if I don’t learn how to program? What’s the worst that can happen? I would still be eating, praying, laughing, dancing, traveling. So it’s not a life or death situation. That summer scholarship? I may not be enough in their eyes, but hey, I am enough in God’s eyes. My extreme receptive skills but nil productive skills in terms of vocabulary, oral speaking and writing? That’s fine! I accept it.  This I hold on to: if it’s for me, it’s for me. I just have to be held because as long as I’m trying, I’m fighting and not giving up, I’ll get to where God intends me to be.

God, I want to take this moment to lift everything up to you. Keep my eyes on You and Your purpose and on the prize! Direct me to where you want me to be! Lead me God to where you want me to be! I am sure I’ll get to where you want me to be someday. I am tired of all the running, of all the trying to be someone else I’m not. I’m willing to try, but I’m not gonna force myself. Lead me God to where you want me to be… in the end, as long as You are with me, I’m in the right place.

I love you God.

Yours forever,

Your Kimkim

 

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Photo Diary #96: September 23, 2018 Sunday, Toad Hall

Sunday is still work for me…(well after God’s amazing Sunday message that resonated with what I will be facing the coming week).

But I must not skip my pizza day…

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