Development

Photo Diary #226: February 03, 2019 Sunday, Toad Hall

Starting today, I will post daily a letter to God. This is part of my dev plan for this year. As I have shared in my New Year’s post, this year’s focus is God and Good health. I always tie success to something tangible and measurable, so on top of my daily devotion, tithing and all the regular Christian way of maturing in God, I decided to start a love letter to God which I will call ‘300 Love Letters to God’.

I have also recently started filling my pinboard with a daily verse I pick for the day. Lately I have been rereading daily the letter to Romans (which contains most debated topics in our culture today), but in today’s message note from Saddleback, I picked Jonah 2:7.

Jesus just knows the words when I need them the most. Being busy with Appen work and my workouts that leave me too exhausted for the day, I have not started with my thesis yet! I am worried of not maintaining my HD, considering that the unis I will apply to are concerned about these grades. Fear blocked me and I allowed myself to believe the lies of a frenemy that I will never be enough, that I cannot measure up, that I can only try, that I am too small, that I am not great enough. But guess what, I believe that God is enough and that He can, so I choose to turn my thoughts to God. I will do my best to keep believing I am enough and that with God, I can absolutely do it again. (Insert Do it Again song here 😂😂😂)

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Photo Diary #225: February 02, 2019 Saturday, Toad Hall

Reset!

Cappucino, and oatmeal with nutella and honey topped with berries

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Photo Diary #224: February 01, 2019 Friday, Toad Hall

Today, after a year, I have my menstrual period again! Wohooo! That means I no longer need to take Metformin… I only need to consistently eat healthy, do my strength and cardio trainings and sleep at least 8 hours a day! Thank you God!

It’s my cheat day so… 😂😂😂

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Photo Diary #223: January 31, 2019 Thursday, Toad Hall

Three weeks and I am still not missing/craving for (my) soda, pizza and all the processed foods I had been feeding my body. Thank you God for being with me in this journey. I am not even tired yet of this lunch meal…simple, tasty and satisfying (fell in love with Tasmanian salmon). I know I must slowly say goodbye to rice, but hey better than 7 slices of pizza in one sitting, right? 😂😂😂

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Photo Diary #222: January 30, 2019 Wednesday, Toad Hall

I was not able to go watch movie as I usually do because of my one-on-one with Ken, and also because I was sore from workout. I found this ‘Stay Here’ series on Netflix which I really love. Watching it creates a sense of calm and whisks uncertainties in my mind.

My normal snack for three weeks now..

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Photo Diary #221: January 29, 2019 Tuesday, Fernwood

Cos it was a holiday yesterday, my PT session was scheduled on a Tuesday. Happy to share that from 124.5 kg, I am now down to 121.5 kg. Everyone seems elated about this news, so rowing did not cause any pain at all!!! Happiness beats exhaustion indeed!

Forgot to take a photo, so here’s a photo of my daily breakfast instead…

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Photo Diary #219: January 27, 2019 Sunday, Happy Birthday Rick

Few takeaways from the Q and A with Rick…

Today’s service for me centred on living a life of integrity. God loves a person with integrity – whose ethics and morals are consistent. I believe I am one big hypocrite. I believe in church but I attend service online only for example. I believe in Kindness but I can turn down an opportunity to help due to inconvenience. I believe in community but I sometimes gossip about people (with my parents). I profess I am humble disguised through charming smiles and one-word responses but I brag silently and loudly at times to hide my insecurities, and measure people up according to my standards. I am guilty as charged. And I thank God for still loving me and for trusting in the direction of my heart. Lead me God, teach me to live a life of integrity.

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Photo Diary #216: January 24, 2019 Thursday, Fernwood

I so love Salmon Nagiri and the calming chatter at the food court in Canberra centre… This is what contentment feels like.

I have also been watching the video below to affirm my decision. You gotta protect yourself, girl. Yes, they may not be aware of it, but you have to protect your well-being. 3:25 – 4:00 says a lot about this! And my decision to remove this toxicity has been so calming.

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Photo Diary #214: January 22, 2019 Tuesday, ANU Clinic

I had my appointment again today with Dr. Bessel. She had all referrals ready for my dietician, and gyneacologist, so it was a pretty quick check-in. My appointment with my specialist is on Feb 18 while my dietician on March 13. Well, at least I get to solely focus on my workout sessions and meal preps now. After the appointment, I went straight to the library to return three big books and head home to eat lunch. I also had to work early at 1 PM, so I could exit and attend the zumba session in the afternoom then come back online again after. And oh, I waited from 4.30 to 5.20ish for Belle in front of Koko Black to return her keys. In order to make it on time, I had to leave Toad at 4 PM to catch the bus. That made for an hour or so lost in work. It would have been okay, but I informed my manager that I will be working UNTIL 5.30. PM. Not until 4PM. Definitely not cool. Anyway, at least I was able to dance zumba. In the cumbia part, I was silently crying… Everything suddenly felt right and all the memories of dancing to zumba for an hour or so back in 2014 played in my mind. I remember the feeling…that serene feeling no matter how arduous the dancing gets. I love it… But I admit I lost the stamina I once had. Thank you God. People may sometimes judge us because they do not know the whole story, the whole story that we did not want to wait because we promised our manager we will be online not because we are greedy of our time. People can call us ‘greedy’ but they didn’+ know everything. They do not even know how we use the money. How we have to double our effort so we can provide for our parents… Greed is when you work hard for yourself and buy stuffs you no longer need in order to please the world. Are they even listening to themselves? I normally do not post this, but backhanded remarks like this do not go unnoticed. If I were greedy, I wouldn’+ have donated this amount to a dying baby- a stranger- a month ago. Anyway, God sees…

screen shot 2019-01-27 at 4.24.54 pm

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Photo Diary #102: September 30, 2018 Sunday, ANU/And Prayer

Screen Shot 2018-10-01 at 1.30.02 pm

Early in the morning, I submitted an abstract to ConSOLE. I guess, even if I failed… I’m proud of myself for trying this month. I applied to ANU summer research scholarship, ConSOLE, and ISFIT 2019.

Today, God simply acknowledged that and whispered I’m enough. What demotivated me is not being on top this semester. If that’s always my goal, then I would never feel enough.

I must always stick to my skills instead of being somebody I am not. But also God encourages me to not give up on my dreams. So far, I have three universities in mind. I won’t reveal them yet. I just feel safe at this stage of my life. Pastor Rick Warren also emphasized not being afraid.

What am I really afraid of? Not providing for my parents? Being too poor, being underestimated… I don’t feel secure, to be honest. But with God by my side, I’m sure I am enough. I’m no longer afraid. That Syntactic Theory problem set? I won’t figure it out! But that’s okay! That Structure of English paper? I won’t impress the professor, but that’s fine! That Quanti paper? Will it matter? Probably not, but it’s absolutely fine. That programming I’m putting off? Nah, will it matter in the end? What if I don’t learn how to program? What’s the worst that can happen? I would still be eating, praying, laughing, dancing, traveling. So it’s not a life or death situation. That summer scholarship? I may not be enough in their eyes, but hey, I am enough in God’s eyes. My extreme receptive skills but nil productive skills in terms of vocabulary, oral speaking and writing? That’s fine! I accept it.  This I hold on to: if it’s for me, it’s for me. I just have to be held because as long as I’m trying, I’m fighting and not giving up, I’ll get to where God intends me to be.

God, I want to take this moment to lift everything up to you. Keep my eyes on You and Your purpose and on the prize! Direct me to where you want me to be! Lead me God to where you want me to be! I am sure I’ll get to where you want me to be someday. I am tired of all the running, of all the trying to be someone else I’m not. I’m willing to try, but I’m not gonna force myself. Lead me God to where you want me to be… in the end, as long as You are with me, I’m in the right place.

I love you God.

Yours forever,

Your Kimkim

 

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