Author Archives: kaylathetheoxenophile

About kaylathetheoxenophile

Hi everyone! I’m kayla. This is my first attempt to share my thoughts through blogging. Got lots of exploring to do. Don’t even know where to start and what to say. To start the ball rolling, allow me to share with you some of the fallacies about Kayla Marie Sarte. 1. Writing is just not my line. Although most considered me as a creative writer, I doubt I have that knack. I’m direct to the point. My essays are straight. As long as I get the message across then that’s fair enough for me. 2.I’m not a walking encyclopedia, got that? How funny it is to be asked by some bunch of kiddos bout tons of stuffs I don’t know or even have heard. Worse? They expect me to answer their queries in a snap. Good thing, I can always find the usual “busy” excuse to elude their endless questions. 3. You just don’t know how pain in the ass reading is to me. I always record the days I spend reading and do my best to keep the pace. Yeah, I’m a literature major but it’s uhmm, …. Except for required readings in my literature classes in the class, I haven’t truly deal with literary works personally. Good heavens, I found John Grisham and Dean Koontz – my all time faves. (In my later posts, I’ll be sharing my thoughts bout their books.) 4. One thing I found truly bleak about me is my loved for movies. I don’t like cinematography or even crave like Glenn Ortiz to be the Steven Spielberg of this race. I just enjoy watching movies on the big screen. That’s all. So, it’s a fallacy that I like cinematography… just the movies. 5. Call me braggart, arrogant. Many think so because of the achievements I gained in the past aching yet meaningful 15 education years of my life. What they don’t know is how negative and perturbed, covered with worries, stressed I am most of the time. No matter how great the laurel I get, I always look back at the failurs I’ve been through in the past. So, that goes to mean, I don’t think highly of myself or consider my awards that much. Top 3 things about me: 1. A Theophile 2. A Xenophile 3. Just Kayla Marie B. Sarte That’s all for now. You’ll get to know more about me soon and about the project 2012 that led me to explore blogging. J One thing is certain for me though, I love who I am for I am fashioned the way I fit exactly in a large mosaic we are all in. Be happy. Live life according to God’s will. – Kayla Sarte

Photo Diary #348: June 05, 2019 Wednesday, ANU Libraries

Made another video today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJOxiBtShOU

I will miss you ANU 😦

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Photo Diary #347: June 04, 2019 Tuesday, Toad Hall

Stayed all day at Toad hall cos…

Sometimes I wonder why I’m so stupid and ugly. Maybe that’s the reason people

ignore me…

Everything I do is always wrong. I haven’t done something right!!!

When I complain, I’m wrong.

When I ignore, I’m still wrong.

So what should I do?

Maybe God is slowly detaching me from the world, so I can finally have

the courage to go and be a missionary?

I don’t know… that idea lingers… there’s still a possibility.

Every sacrifice I’ve made is pointless, futile.

Everything about me is wrong…

And that’s why people just think I’m trash.

Why do I even fight?

Why do I even try?

What do I fight for?

All I know now is I’m happy drinking my coffee in the morning while watching Cari Cakes or BTS…

My life is useless and pointless and everything is futile.

So tell me, why should I still live?

I dream of being fluent, of being smart, of being kind, of being loving…

But I’m not.

Maybe it’s the reason for not even trying…

I don’t want to anymore.

I  am alone.

I smile but I’m exhausted

I laugh when I’m in deep pain.

I want to love, but I don’t feel anything at all.

I want to be angry at least… but

I’m also tired of being angry.

I honestly ask God to just take me home…

I wanna go home (to heaven) and rest…

Hope tomorrow it will be different.

Has God given up on me?

I’m sorry God for wasting everything you taught me.

I’m sorry if you prepared me in high school only to end up like this.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person you wanted me to be..

I’m sorry, I’m sorry for just being this.

I’m just this.

I’m sorry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Photo Diary #346: June 03, 2019 Monday, Toad Hall

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Photo Diary #345: June 02, 2019 Sunday, Kambri & Flora

Spent almost four hours with Flora again today… I love the tea she prepared.

Here’s us: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZq7bztFaf4

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Photo Diary #344: June 01, 2019 Saturday, Canberra

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Photo Diary #343: May 31, 2019 Friday, Braddon

Today, explored Braddon with Janice. Also here’s a link to my very first (edited) Youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOia0tDXQ1Y

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Photo Diary #342: May 30, 2019 Thursday,Toad Hall

I will miss you, Toad Hall.

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Photo Diary #341: May 29, 2019 Wednesday, Invitation

This was unexpected… Just when I was about to give up (on everything)… God hasn’+. Can I cry for a bit? Hello oration and microphone,we will meet again, if it is God’s will…

Maybe this is what God meant when He said I have to go back to my core.

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Photo Diary #340: May 28, 2019 Tuesday, Thesis Done

I am officially free. I am really happy!!!Submitted my thesis at 9:40 am and the hard copy at 11:30. Wohooooo!

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Photo Diary #339: May 27, 2019 Monday, Editing

It is a holiday in Canberra, so no printing shops are open except OfficeWorks. But they won’+ return my thesis tomorrow, so I have to look for an alternative. Thank you God for leading me to the University Printing Service. Didn’+ even know they existed.

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