Decade Review Part II: Letting go | A Review of my 2010s

I’m now on the part 2 of Marie Forleo’s Decade Review. Today’s focus is on what I want to leave behind.

What old projects and goals am I letting go? I’m willing to let go of my orator site. My 2010s was focused on my public speaking, but it’s time to let it go. I no longer feel alive when I am on stage, and I know deep down it doesn’t serve me anymore.

The dream of having my plot produced in Hollywood, I let go of that too.

I also realized that I want to serve God in the church and not as a full-time missionary. I stop questioning myself  whether I made a bad decision for not entering the convent or volunteering to spread God’s word full-time anymore.

What resentments, angers and upsets

am I letting go?

Being a LET topnotcher wasn’t for me. I let that go. I accept that God knows I can advance without it, so I forgive myself for dwelling too much on “I should have…” cos honestly, I even became a hermit for a year just to learn all the math formulae and biology terms — for the title. But it’s just isn’t for me. I let it go, and I thank God for blessing me with so much more.

I let go of hating people who underestimated me. Being treated unfairly despite of effort makes life life. I let that go. Life is unfair. Period.

I forgive people who looked down on me, belittled, underestimated my story. I let go of the anger I feel every time people think I am just studying— that I am a recognition-whore. My friend Jacky was right, I should not be angry at them, cos they don’t know the whole story. However, to declare the real reason why I study. Yeah, I study a lot abroad because it’s a way of supporting my parents. I have been helping them so much through my scholarships– so my studying is still in essence for my parents. If I don’t give this much, I won’t be able to provide them. Sometimes I envy people who have to study only. Even while I was in Australia, I was always thinking about finances back home — and I am proud of it. I showed maturity and balance and confidence under pressure.

Life will always be unfair, disappointing. People will take for granted my sacrifices, kindness, love, effort, excellence. People will judge my story. But I have to stand up each time and accept that my only job is to press on even when it gets tougher. God is always with me, and God sees every effort, every pain and every love that comes out of every action I pour out on something.

 

What limiting beliefs, crappy old stories I choose to let go? I used to believe that I had it harder. Now I realize we all go through the same pain just in different forms. This helped me appreciate each person’s story and love and care for each person deeply. I give this feeling to God.

I have always been thinking “I’m not good enough” on loop. I believed that if I become better each day people will love and appreciate me a little bit more. Some people won’t and it’s not my problem, so trying harder and burning myself out doesn’t matter really. People who choose to love me will stay.

I let go of the belief that people are afraid of me. Instead I replace it with “I’m enough” and with trust and respect. I commit to respecting people and not expecting anything from them. I commit to thinking how I can help, how I can love, how I can be kind this decade and not worry too much about people’s reactions. What matters is I simply show up and do.

I refuse to let the old limiting beliefs crash me this decade. I declare that: I can earn money and save it. I can lose weight and maintain the habit. I can wear those clothes I am dreaming of! I can have a healthy relationship with food. I can be a master of predictive statistics and programming and linguistics. I can publish countless of meaningful journal articles. I can build a meaningful product. I do have what it takes too. If people can, I can. I only have to muster the courage to take that one step forward. I have a lot to bring to the table too — my knowldege of human behavior, language, my intuition, my negotiation skills, my vision. I have the wealth of resources within me, I contain multitudes, and this decade I declare I will finally tick off all the goals I once longed for.

I refuse to believe that I am worthless and unlovable. I am loved by God and people will also love me if I have the courage to show who I really am. I am open to love, and open myself to intimacy this decade. I am willing to step up and do something about my health, my appearance. I will move forward positively.
I am not yet old enough, I am still on the game — I will travel more, learn more, earn more, so I can help and make this world a better place. I refuse to believe that my dream of putting up my own orphanage, home for the aged, missionary fund, shelter and food for the homeless, millions of funding for disaster and calamity, education scholarships for students and jobs is no longer achievable. I won’t let it go! And I declare that I will! I will make this world a better place. I will not silence the deepest aches in my heart anymore and pretend I only care about KDRAMA to hide the anger and frustration I have with the world— I will face the world as I once dreamed of improving, and will make it a little bit better with the help and grace of God! With God, I can!

 

Categories: Lessons, Letters to God, Musings, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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