Stayed all day at Toad hall cos…
Sometimes I wonder why I’m so stupid and ugly. Maybe that’s the reason people
Everything I do is always wrong. I haven’t done something right!!!
When I complain, I’m wrong.
When I ignore, I’m still wrong.
So what should I do?
Maybe God is slowly detaching me from the world, so I can finally have
the courage to go and be a missionary?
I don’t know… that idea lingers… there’s still a possibility.
Every sacrifice I’ve made is pointless, futile.
Everything about me is wrong…
And that’s why people just think I’m trash.
Why do I even fight?
Why do I even try?
What do I fight for?
All I know now is I’m happy drinking my coffee in the morning while watching Cari Cakes or BTS…
My life is useless and pointless and everything is futile.
So tell me, why should I still live?
I dream of being fluent, of being smart, of being kind, of being loving…
But I’m not.
Maybe it’s the reason for not even trying…
I don’t want to anymore.
I am alone.
I smile but I’m exhausted
I laugh when I’m in deep pain.
I want to love, but I don’t feel anything at all.
I want to be angry at least… but
I’m also tired of being angry.
I honestly ask God to just take me home…
I wanna go home (to heaven) and rest…
Hope tomorrow it will be different.
Has God given up on me?
I’m sorry God for wasting everything you taught me.
I’m sorry if you prepared me in high school only to end up like this.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person you wanted me to be..
I’m sorry, I’m sorry for just being this.
I’m just this.