Again this is unedited, I’m heading back to Davao after a long rest.
Grit is the secret to success, and it’s defined as that which combines passion and perseverance. How to increase grit? Pursue your passion, practice deliberately, have a strong purpose for everything you do. Turns out all my hunches are right. I have been truly ungrateful and unhappy because I was doing things for gains and not for service. Service has always been my driving force, not fame or anything else.
I asked You to speak with me before I do this journal. True enough, the fifth suggested site from the list after typing, “When God pushes you to another door” was your response, and boy it fit my situation so well.
According to the article from Nehemiah Ministries, not all golden opportunities are doors that God wants us/me to go through. It has a lot to say, but what I could remember is we’re sure we’re on the right track when we chose something that is true to our priorities and if we ask the Lord for guidance. It’s as if Jesus is telling me I am on the right track, so I don’t have to worry. Also, tonight, God said He is preparing me to walk through the aisle because the timing is right. That I’m not sure. Does he mean, I’m getting married? Oh God!
Today I learned from KRS the importance of separating Desire from Intent. When you say, “I want to have cars, a big house, fame, etc.” you are telling the world You just want them. However, to make this an intention, one should focus on what he wants to do with his life. Instead of focusing on fame, he should remind himself, “I intend to be the best public speaker in the world, inspiring millions of thousands with my speeches and trainings”. Something like that. Another blogger I watched reminded, “In order to claim what You want, You need to be clear, to feel it and take action”. What’s striking about this is her concept of feeling it. For example, even if you do not have money and you desire to be abundant, you should give more instead of hoarding money or things because it sends a signal that you lack something therefore you cannot give freely. Same is true with relationships. If you want to feel abundant with friends, always outgoing and socially confident, you should indulge in more activities that will push you towards meeting new people. In terms of achieving a classy look, you should try to wear clothes that reflect that.
Aside from all these pieces of advice on manifestation, I realized that I fear success. Some of the symptoms include not finishing projects, saying no to big opportunities, downplaying my strengths, not sharing my accomplishments, overall sabotaging myself. The article I read advised to uncover the fear beyond these, and for me it’s the fear of getting attention again. All the attention I had back from high school till college stripped me off my private life. At that time, I wished I didn’t have it, so I could freely do what I want without having people to look at me, or having a society that pressures me. In order to break away from this and to keep sabotaging success in my life, I should decide that even if I’m not succeeding I will still end up getting attention somewhere, and people regardless of my status will always have something to say. “I am not afraid of success”, I will repeat to myself over and over so that every time I procrastinate and put off important tasks that may give me the recognition I deserve, I will do it anyway. Fear will always be there. True. I’ve always been almost close to success, and I would just instantly call if off. I fear success. I fear success because I might receive the same brutal treatment, the same loneliness of being on top, the same public nuisances. I am content, but never really that happy because I am shying away from what I truly am. Thank you for the boost.
And oh, one more thing, I have to trust that where I am now is exactly where I need to be. If I don’t trust the situation, I must stop and ask the Holy Spirit to help me reinterpret the situation and see it with love. According to Burnstein, this practice opens up new pathways and new creative approaches to problems and struggles I might be facing at the moment.