I am absolutely stressed. I felt ashamed of myself today. I blew up for a very tiny reason:bed cover. I mean, it is, but probably it stemmed from bottled frustrations. Imagine someone who took care of you since you were young, crying. I was really harsh. No words can explain how frustrated I am with myself. Out of anger, I even threw my scapular. Now, I don’t have it. I just want God to be angry with me, not to tolerate me. I want Him to just leave me. But He stayed. And I remembered crying and slapping myself, begging Him to leave while asking Him why He still sticks with me. I sobbed the whole day and even prayed that God will lay me to rest. But (Proceed to November 21, 2014).