Photo Journal #190: November 15, 2014 (Saturday)/No More

I felt undermined, underestimated and humiliated today. [Mapapayat ka sinang PhD mo?] I will never forget this day, this line and the one who said it. I will always remember him. No doubt, he does not like me because all this time, the woman I trusted was feeding him wrong information about me. I want to shout to the world that I am not doing my best to be efficient and effective to compete with people. I am doing this because it’s me… It’s who I am. It’s just part of my system and I know it’s my responsibility. Every time I do something to the best of my capability, I imagine Jesus smiling and telling me, “well done, Kim”. You do not know anything about it and so you judge me. But I really do not understand why people can hate another because she has many goals. I could have understood that if I was stepping on them to get ahead but I wasn’t, am not and will never. “no more. not anymore. enough”. I won’t listen to anyone of you anymore. People told me once I was frank and so, I changed. Others said, I was bossy… Now, I’m trying not to command anyone. Many commented, I was an attention seeker, so now I don’t recite much. Everyone hated me because I was speaking English all the time. Now? honestly? i hate that language. I was always listening to people and shed buckets of weeps because I know I was trying hard to reset everything. I am not a robot. These new people in my life didn’t even see that bossy, loud, frank, overconfident, perfectionist me who did not know how to smile, listen and emphatize with people. They saw a new Kayla but still, the tags never left. I am still the competitive one. Well…enough. Sorry, I won’t listen to you anymore. I know, someday I will look back at this moment and say, “I’m glad I didn’t listen to them”. Since when did setting goals become a sin? Crabs!!! God is with me and so, I can. November 15, 2014- Trust was broken but my trust in God and myself was strengthened. November 15-I will always remember you everytime I jog, dance, study, eat, pray and everytime I feel like giving up. November 15.

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Categories: 365 Photos Journal, Lessons, Musings | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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