Photo Journal #179: November 04, 2014 (Tuesday)/Informed Consent Signed! And Musings…

[Warning: Incoherent and disorganized paragraphs ahead. :D]

I finally talked with the principal of the school today and we had a lengthy conversation which took about an hour and a half.  And contrary to what I expected, he was very accommodating. He was so interested with my study that he even asked for a copy. His dissertation was also along my line of study but he haven’t decided yet what framework to use. He even asked for my advice! Woah! And how cool is it that he is the head of the MTB division?

While we’re talking, I was drawling about research, MTB studies and different theoretical frameworks and improvements; and caught him nodding all the time and smiling at the same time [I really want to be a policy-maker!!! Please, Lord!!!] [Amo gid ni bi linya ko ya. Assessment, philosophies of teaching, curriculum and syllabus preparation, planning]

And yes! Informed Consent Formed Signed by the Teacher-participant [Sin.o bala hindi magsign nga ang principal ang gadulong saakon?].

(Past Talk Kadali)

Seeing my school brought back these random thoughts:

My “lolo” and “Papa” once commented that I have the knack in discussing issues with older people even when I was younger (about 13 years old – I think I was more matured back then). I also always had my way because I influenced people in taking my side. (By the way, I was and I think I continue to live on the principle that if you won’t respect me, I won’t respect you either – regardless of age and status – and so people back then were all literally “scared” of me). Honestly, I’m working hard on this because respect is respect – it’s better to be kind than to be right? Right? Aaaaah! Okay! (I concede).

When I was still in high school, it was really odd that even teachers asked for my advice when it comes to leading children as I was the only one at school who could lead with that authority.

Brother: Ate, iba gid sang time mo sang una. Ngaa mapasunod mo ya mga bugoy sa school haw?

Me: Siyempre kay hana sila sumbag, hana man ko ya sumbag.

Maybe men respected me because I wasn’t dependent on them and I wasn’t living according to stereotyped gender roles back then. (Or I was just plain scary) I would carry tables, chairs, even gallons of water on my own without asking their help. And I thought it was really appropriate until the principal ordered me to leave those chores to “Art” and “KJ”.  I was infuriated at that time because I always wanted to be stronger, more courageous, more influential and smarter than men. (I think, I still do). Or maybe because a part of me wishes to be a man. Don’t get me wrong, I do not like ladies like the way I love my Kamiki-kun. Their strength and the way people depend on them for protection are what I envy the most.

I was proud, authoritarian and people called me “Marcos” “Dumbledore” “Dictator” whatever…

And this is the reason why I strive to be humble. I don’t want the new people in my life to call me those. Now, I am silent…to the point of faking a “dumbox” just because I fear being that person again. Yep, my past continues to haunt me…Have you ever lived for three years in school with people around you (your teachers included) fearing you? (I thought that was normal – but now I realize…it wasn’t) Much of it brought me suffering but also much of it taught me the skills that I have now. As a president, have you experienced checking up everything: the classrooms, clubs, haircut, uniforms? It wasn’t just me checking of course, but the responsibility was placed on my shoulder. What about ensuring that “EVERYONE” at school speaks the damn “English”? And I hate it. Now, imagine living every day with this schedule:

6:30 am – Off to School , prepare mics, prayer leaders, creative worship and flag                                       ceremony?

7:15 am – Handle the announcements in front of the school.

9:30 am – RECESS (After chapel, ensure that students are still speaking in                                                 English)

11:50 am – Off to the voice over booth to pray the Angelus “LIVE”.

12:00 noon – You’re walking with your head down because you know many

students hate you.

12: 30 pm –      Check chapel if COLC (a confraternity) prays the devotion.

3:00 pm    – Off to the voice over booth to pray the 3 o’clock prayer.

(Principal: It’s a good training for the students)

4:30 pm —  All teachers go home while you and your officers  check each

classroom to ensure that cleaners “cleaned”

5:30 pm – Off home

I lived this kind of life for three years when I should have been enjoying those years as a kid. Because I was part of the Ministry on Discipline since 1st year, I was assigned to take over it (when all leaders dread it) from my second year to fourth year in high school (kay president naman sang fourth year, so all the ministries are under me). Why everyone hates that post? You have to ensure cleanliness, order (even inside classrooms), proper wearing of uniform, etc. At that time, I was the only student given the responsibility to roam around school even during lecture hours to check order and if students are “praying the rosary”. Exaggerated? No! It’s the truth… and now, I find it not normal, very abnormal. I wasn’t one of the privileged ones who enjoyed their adolescent years and so, now, hahaha, I act like a kid. And the national discipline award couldn’t compensate the effort I poured in as an officer. And officers from other schools never experienced the same… they just worked during “programs”… So, we worked every single day and not only during important programs like “teacher’s day”, “bulletin board making”, etc. And that’s the thing, we also had to conduct CREATIVE programs like OIKOS, musicals, etc.

Yes, nobody told me to take my positions seriously… but what’s the point of being a leader when you cannot fulfill your duties? I wasn’t in for the title, I was there for service… Students (people) won’t see that first but once you’re gone, they will see the difference and your mark.

This is my struggle now, should I be this “silent”person who doesn’t talk much for fear of being feared again or that “strong” kid who left an indelible mark?

The three-year RETREAT  in Davao city is over.

I am still 23 but I felt like I walked the earth and carried it for fifty years. Kapoy.

I’m sorry but this is literally an “unedited” blog. LOL. Nobody reads this anyway. hahahahahahah so I can talk whatever I want. blah blah blah!

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Categories: 365 Photos Journal, Development, Musings | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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